Part 1: Introduction to Self-Care
Self-care is thrown around a lot as a magic bullet to solve all of your problems. If you’d only take a second to treat yourself, you’d be fine!
But what does self-care really mean?
First, I find it’s easier to effectively implement self care when you consider the difference between self-care and self-soothing. Self-soothing might look something like this, for example:
Self-soothing: Activities that provide distraction and/or comfort in difficult times.
Binging your favorite series or tv show, a bubble bath, a fancy coffee or matcha, singing loudly in the car, getting out into nature, taking time off from home responsibilities & childcare, buying fresh flowers, cuddling, hot girl walks....these are all wonderful acts of self-soothing.
Self-soothing is INCREDIBLY important to our well-being. Think of these activities as the pathway for becoming more stabilized mentally and emotionally, and thus, creating opportunities for you to move forward. That is when self-care can enter the picture, and you can make meaningful change.
Self-care: Activities that help you find meaning, and that support your growth & groundedness.
Going to therapy, meditating, dedicated exercise time, taking ownership of your finances, sleeping, saying “yes” and “no” when you really mean it, getting medical care, eating well for your body, setting — and keeping! — boundaries.
Do you feel the difference between soothing & care? While there are activities that overlap from self-soothing, into self-care. It's important to recognize that self-soothing is a temporary salve, and self-care is an effort towards meaningful change.
It takes a LOT to be able to do self-soothing, since the systems and cultural norms in which we currently live can feel impossible to navigate on our own.
Part 2: Types of Self-Care
1. Keep in mind there are different types of self-care. Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, and Social.
Believe it or not, the below examples all fall under the practice of self-care:
Communicating your needs, even when it's awkward or uncomfortable.
Learning to say no when your plate is full, the opportunity doesn't excite you, or you're too tired.
Prioritizing your needs over someone else's wants.
Connecting with your higher self through a meditation practice.
Letting go of expectations you hold for yourself.
I also want to highlight, the next time you wish for more energy for self-care, consider everything you've already done that could fall under the umbrella of self-caring and tuning in to your needs. Work to find comfort in the actions you're already taking to improve your overall health and wellness instead of believing you're not doing enough.
2. Remember that self-care looks different for everyone.
Although it may not seem that way, self-care is a highly individual practice that requires you to be in touch with your unique requirements for happiness and your overall well-being. With this in mind, release the expectations of what your self-care practices "should" look like based on what your friends are doing, or the latest wellness trends. Instead, focus on tuning in to what practices—big or small—will move you closer to joy. When you're short on time, an excellent place to start is trading mindless scrolling or flipping through channels, for a few deep belly breaths. Notice how quickly your energy and stress levels can begin to shift.
3. The smallest acts of self-care can reap the most significant rewards.
Creating simple self-care practices throughout your day can help you to stay grounded, at ease, and leave your cup feeling full by the end of the day. In the moments you feel completely exhausted, consider tapping into the most accessible act of self-care that could bring you closer to your desired feelings.
Some examples of simple self-care include:
Enjoying a mug of your favorite tea without your phone.
Being honest when someone asks how they can support you.
Opting for a nap instead of the gym (or vice versa!).
Taking a few deep belly breaths.
Rolling out your shoulders and noticing your tension melt away.
Releasing feelings of guilt for doing what you need to do to feel your best.
Rescheduling a call or a meeting to get some rest and disconnect.
In addition to the positive feelings the above practices can bring, you're also actively training your brain to look for the signs that you need some self-care. With time and steady practice, you'll become more comfortable with tuning in to your needs. Once you've created a greater sense of awareness, self-care will feel less like a task on your to-do list and more like an essential part of your day that keeps you moving forward.
4. Hone the power of your "no."
It's easy to feel like we have to say yes to every request in order to be a good person. When your energy is running low (or when it's already gone), it's time to turn your yeses into a solid no. Here's the important part: without a second thought. Chances are a lack of using the word no played a role to land you in this low-energy spot in the first place. This little two-letter word is your key to gaining back your time, energy, sanity, and calendar.
In the end, self-care is a ticket to more of what you crave.
Part 3: Self – Care is also based in science
Sympathetic Nervous System vs Parasympathetic Nervous System
Our central nervous system is amazing, and complex—we have two systems, our sympathetic or “fight or flight” system and the parasympathetic or “rest and digest” system.
We spend much more time in the sympathetic nervous system because of the pace of modern living. We are exposed to so many more stressors than humankind has ever experienced in the past. Even if it’s good stress, overall, we live with more stress and that takes a toll on our ability to take care of ourselves.
Stanford Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman’s lab has shown that a simple breathing technique can help us move from our sympathetic nervous system to our parasympathetic nervous system. By inhaling twice through your nose and then exhaling through your mouth can calm yourself instantly. “It immediately balances the ratio of carbon dioxide and oxygen in the lungs and bloodstream properly, and it triggers activation of the sighing neurons, which have a direct and fast route to what we’re calling the calming circuit—this is called the psychological sigh. When you find yourself experiencing symptoms of anxiety or stress, try using this technique to calm yourself—not only will it provide relief in the moment, but it also creates new neural pathways for how we identify and deal with stress.
Along with the Psychological Sigh, here are two great resources you can use to manage your stress and anxiety. Print these out! They're very useful when you keep them somewhere you can see. Maybe your desk, fridge, or bathroom!
Part 4: Gratitude
Robert Emmons, psychology professor and gratitude researcher at the University of California, Davis, explains that there are two key components of practicing gratitude:
We affirm the good things we’ve received
We acknowledge the role other people play in providing our lives with goodness
Most of us know it’s important to express thanks to the people who help us, or silently acknowledge the things we are grateful for in life. Research has linked gratitude with a wide range of benefits, including strengthening your immune system and improving sleep patterns, feeling optimistic and experiencing more joy and pleasure, being more helpful and generous, and feeling less lonely and isolated.
If this was helpful, this is just the start! My 12-week course includes writing prompts, journaling exercises, and mindfulness practices that will help you keep the habits you're working so hard to create. Drop me a line, let's chat and see if my 12-week course is what you need, to reach your goals!
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