A Before and After--and an Explanation

I'll admit, my physical transformation is not as impressive as most that I see on the internet. But, that's the point.

I've worked hard and put in the time, but for me, my epic transformation was internal.

I started bodybuilding in 2014, I was absolutely influenced by popular culture and the rise of fitness influencers. When I found bodybuilding I was deeply entrenched in an eating disorder. I was completely miserable and genuinely wondering how much longer I could exist hating my body, punishing myself for needing to eat, and generally feeling like I should just give up any notion that maybe someday I'd find more peace and balance with food and my physical self.

As I engaged in more strength training, I was able to shift my scary thoughts of eating more, to thinking of that extra food as fuel. It certainly *worked*. I was seeing physical changes, felt stronger, and generally more positive about life. Control as a way to cope was not foreign to me, but this was a different kind of control--a more positive control. I was putting in work, acquiring new skills and knowledge, and making some social connections along the way. (and using the heck out of my adjustable dumbbells and at-home workout space--more on that!)

I'll skip the messy middle part (for now, because there's value in that experience, too!) and circle back to my original statement: my physical transformation is apparent even if it's not impressive, but, the internal changes I experienced as a result of learning to trust myself was invaluable. It's why I am the way I am now--and not to toot my own horn, but, I'm pretty proud of myself and the strides I've made. If I could put what I truly gained into one word it's: resilence. Also, it should be noted that I absolutely was receiving additional, higher-level care during this time in my life. Therapy and having a support network when you're dealing with something as potentially life-threatening as an eating disorder is an absolute must. An exercise program or a nutrition strategy will not dig you out of something as difficult as an eating disorder.

In the past, I was someone that couldn't endure sitting with hard feelings, let alone challenge or unpack them. I didn't allow myself the time I needed to really engage in something to get the *most* out of it. I didn't appreciate my inherent worth. I didn't feel valuable enough to just show up as my authentic self, and let that be "good enough". These are all challenges I had to face to make the progress I wanted to make physically, but the real value was, I was able in those moments to recognize how much this could translate to other parts of my life.

That was the transformation. Recognizing that I always had it in myself. I now had the ability to reach out to community, gain support, connection, and participate in my life in a more fulfilling way.

My question to my clients is always: "what's your why?"I know that may sound trite, but if you can boil down WHY you're pursuing a goal in to one sentence, phrase, or word, let it be your mantra and guide. You'll always have a grounding tool that can help reaffirm your commitments to yourself.

My 12-week course specifically addresses the mindfulness aspects of goal-achievement. I wish I'd have had some of the tools in my 12-week program when I was on my own fitness and health journey. If you'd like to know more about my program, please reach out!

Reach Out!